Six dense bastards who voted for Brexit and regret it

DO you keep encountering people on radio phone-ins or in real life who ignored the obvious risks of Brexit? Here are six dense f**kers to make you despair for humanity.

Holidaymakers surprised at having to queue at customs

Despite years of droning on about borders, these Brexiters were shocked to discover other countries had them. Surely your (blue) British passport is like a magical key allowing you instant access to any land? Trust Johnny Foreigner not to get the memo. Too busy chasing women on shitty little scooters, probably.

People who thought we’d fund the NHS

These people get a free pass when it comes to Bregrets. Did they not notice that Farage, Johnson, Rees-Mogg and the rest are a bunch of f**king liars who make Gollum look trustworthy? On the other hand, if you’re cynical about it, what sounds better if you’re interviewed by Sky News, ‘I voted for more money for the NHS’ or ‘All them Polish can piss off back to Russia’?

The Asian guy who thought it wouldn’t be racist

There’s always an Asian guy willing to go on LBC or similar to claim Brexit wasn’t racist. That’s despite UKIP’s racist poster, the overtly racist comments, the rise in racist ‘incidents’, and all the racists who loved Brexit. It’s a state of blissful gormlessness akin to thinking how lovely and warm it is without noticing your living room is on fire. 


Left-wing Brexiters saw it as a blow against the capitalist EU and a step toward a working class utopia. That’s the same working class of which many hate lefties and vote Tory. Now you’ve got useless bloody Brexit and the proles still have zero interest in your Marxist fantasies. Maybe do something more useful with your life, like collecting Rings of Power bobbleheads.


Not content with crippling their own labour supply, the 52 per cent of farmers who voted Brexit didn’t wonder about people like Jacob Rees-Mogg promising cheaper food. Where was this going to come from? Investment in farming methods? Subsidising British food? Or from low food standards countries like the US where they’re probably bio-engineering a monstrous 15-legged chicken for KFC?

‘Suck it up’ Brexit triumphalists 

These twats thought Brexit was a football match and salt-of-the-earth right-wingers won a brilliant victory over cleverdick Remainers, a made-up ‘metropolitan elite’ and ‘snowflake’ young people. The only thing in their favour is that they’ve gone strangely quiet about Brexit now. And that’s not really a positive – like every Brexit ‘achievement’ it usually just means ‘things aren’t as bad as we thought they would be’.

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Avoid silly fads like exercise

People see videos by the latest pop stars like Olivia Newton-John and think jumping up and down is the answer to all your problems. Do you think Liz Truss got where she is today by jumping up and down? No, she did it by delivering. If you want to work up a sweat, work harder for the economy. That’s what matters, not you and your bum.

And vegetables

When I was young, vegetables were something you put on the dining table for display. You didn’t actually eat them, it was meat, meat and more meat. Usually with bread, potatoes, a jug of dripping, extra meat and a pound of treacle pudding for dessert. Did me the power of good. I tell people I turned 50 last year and they won’t believe me.

Ignore doctors, they’re on a cushy number with the NHS

Next time you’re being lectured by your GP about your blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, breathlessness, unhealthily ruddy complexion and frequent palpitations, remember they’re just keeping the NHS cash rolling in. If they gave you proper advice, eg. ‘Eat more fried meat sandwiches with a pint of brandy’ they’d be made redundant by the woke NHS. We’ll do something about that.

Don’t smoke cigarettes. They’re common. Smoke cigars

To paraphrase the greatest woman in history, Margaret Thatcher, anyone still smoking cigarettes aged 30 is a failure. If you haven’t made something of yourself by then and moved onto cigars, you’ve got no willpower and that’s why you die of lung cancer, not the tobacco. 

Don’t live too long being a burden on the economy

Personal responsibility is out of fashion these days, and I’d like to see more people taking control of their lives by dropping dead. The longer you live and the poorer you are, the more of a burden on Britain you’ll be. Think about that next time you’re eating a salad or going for a jog. If you truly love your country, have a 5lb steak and a bucket of profiteroles. I’m doing my bit. Are you?