THE unthinkable has happened. Your former leader is on trial for breaking the law. This is what will happen next, according to a country that has been there and done that.
The press will defend someone obviously guilty
When incompetent shagger Boris Johnson was hauled over the coals, the press sprang into action to limit the damage. Sarah Vine rubbed herself raw with her keyboard then published the results, the Daily Star ran a front page with an amusing Photoshop, and they all said Keir Starmer was the real story. Expect the New York Post and Newsday to do the same.
The accused will act appallingly in court
You’d think a court summons would cause someone to pause and reflect on their actions. Hahaha. If your guy’s anything like ours he’ll take verbal swipes at the jury and bristle with narcissistic contempt throughout the hearing. You Yanks like to do everything bigger and better than us, so Trump will probably try to fire the judge or get QAnon nutters to shoot them.
The truth will get lost in the spectacle
Trials are supposed to agree on the truth via a cold evaluation of the evidence. But in high-profile cases like this, facts are prioritised by how juicy they are. Phrases like ‘porn star’, ‘adulterous affair’ and ‘$130,000’ will dominate the headlines, whereas more important but boring ones like ‘systematic tax fraud’ will only make it into news reports to pad out the word count.
Both sides will double down
Republicans will not fling their MAGA hats onto a big bonfire and suddenly support Biden. Democrats will not stay true to their sanctimonious posturing by offering an olive branch to their humiliated rival. Instead, both sides will politicise the hearing according to their own agenda and your broken democracy will stagger on as before. Ours has.
Nothing will really change
Discovering your former leader is a criminal should be an opportunity for change, or at least prison. A time to think about how your country became a cesspit of corrupt, ethics-free governance. It should be, but it won’t. Instead, Trump will swagger out of court and embark on his political comeback as if nothing of consequence just happened. Because it didn’t.
