Sunak 'a typical bloody ungrateful immigrant', says Braverman

RISHI Sunak’s weak leadership is absolutely bloody typical of migrants who come over here and think they can run the bloody place, Suella Braverman has said. 

The former home secretary has blamed the current state of the UK on the prime minister being a foreigner with no grasp of British values who struts around as if he owned the whole country.

She continued: “They’re not like us. Simple as that.

“He’s waltzed into government, been given a free house, and proceeded to lecture ordinary decent Britons like myself on the ‘right to protest’ as if the Peterloo Massacre never happened.

“How did he become a millionaire anyway? Benefits. Out of the taxpayer’s back pocket. You only have to look at him to know he’s on the take.

“He needs reminding that we voted Brexit in 2016, that Brexit means Brexit, and what Brexit means is folk like him going back where they came from and further, not acting like they’re better than us.”

Braverman added: “Why are you looking at me like that?”

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Cameron to advise Sunak on f**king everything up

FORMER prime minister David Cameron is back in Downing Street to provide wise counsel on how to f**k a country beyond repair. 

David Cameron has been given a well-deserved seat in the Lords so he can serve as foreign secretary and chief consultant on getting every single major decision entirely wrong.

He said: “You can’t beat hands-on experience when it comes to bollocksing up a once-successful nation. And I have that in spades.

“Remember when I took over, and you thought things were already bad? And I made them incalculably worse? Just imagine what I can do with this mess.

“I was the obvious choice for foreign secretary, given my track record of causing every country within a thousand miles to loathe us even more than they already did. Looking forward to meeting all those EU guys again.

“But more than that I’m the guy who brought you austerity, who delivered Brexit, who shafted the economy and walked off whistling. A return in government is well overdue, according to my lobbyist pals.

“I’m going to really screw things up for Labour. Finishing the job.”