THE prime minister’s decision to delay phasing out petrol and diesel cars is all part of a plan to utterly stamp out Tory support by 2030.
Rowing back on his climate promises and condemning the planet to a fiery doom is the latest in a long line of policies specially designed to wipe out any lingering support for the Conservative party ahead of next year’s election.
Sunak said: “There are still some diehards in Uxbridge and South Ruislip. Hopefully clogging the air with noxious fumes should crush their enthusiasm.
“It’s not like we still want to be in power. We’ve spent the last decade running this country into the ground to make a bit of cash, but the fun’s worn off and for some reason everyone treats us like shit. It’s time to move on.
“Why else do you think I’ve been haemorrhaging support by flying helicopters to climate conferences and driving without a seatbelt? It’s not just because I’m out of touch and incompetent, I actively don’t want to be here.
“Ordering factories to keep cranking out petrol and diesel cars for the foreseeable future should deter all but the most rabid of backbenchers from voting Conservative. And I’ll put them off next by saying something wild like migrants should have human rights.
“Look, I’ve even managed to piss off Ford, so the message should be obvious. Read between the lines and boot us out next year, I beg you.”