THE prime minister is travelling to the so-called city of Manchester ahead of the Tory conference to see what all the fuss is about.
Having repeatedly ducked questions about whether he will axe HS2, Rishi Sunak has booked a helicopter to Manchester to see for himself whether it is worth connecting to anywhere else.
Sunak said: “How good can it be, really? Compared to London, which has everything, I suspect it’s a shithole. Prove me wrong, Manchester, prove me wrong.
“Tripadvisor says it’s got a cathedral and a few poxy museums. Big deal. You can’t move for them in the capital, plus we’ve got loads more Prets, Big Ben and the London Dungeon. It’ll have to try harder than that to impress me.
“And don’t get me started on the people. They’re violent, stupid, and frankly not terribly clean. I’ve seen them on Shameless. I had to turn it off after 20 minutes.
“Basically, is it worth hooking up ‘Manchester’ with a pricey train line, or should we just leave it well alone?
“I’d understand if it was somewhere better, like St Ives, but I’m afraid I can’t justify the spending all that taxpayers’ money just to make life easier for the residents of Coronation Street.”