Monday, 3rd August 2020

Thanks for clapping me, says Johnson

THE prime minister has thanked Britain for clapping to show they do not blame him in the slightest for the current crisis. 

Boris Johnson has assumed the nation stood outside and applauded at 8pm to show their support for his leadership and to send a very clear message that none of this is his fault in any way.  

He said: “That’s good of them. And it feels good, to get that bit of appreciation for how hard I’m working. I haven’t had a holiday since February. 

“I think it was very clear in the applause that the people of Britain have absolved me of all blame, back all my decisions to the hilt, and won’t allow this unfortunate pandemic to affect them at the ballot box. 

“Indeed, I’m sure I detected an overtone of frustration with the focus on coronavirus and an urging to crack on and get Brexit done whatever the risks. But that could be me projecting. 

“Either way, I thank you for your spontaneous applause for those on the frontlines of this fight, ie. me and the cabinet. We’ll continue to be your heroes.”