MIDDLE-AGED middle-class affluent recreational class A drug users are your f**king voter base, they have explained to the prime minister.
The country’s after-dinner snorters have advised the Conservative party that if they lose their passports and driving licences, Johnson will very swiftly lose his 80-seat majority.
Julian Cook of Swaffham said: “Who do these twats think is snorting three grams on the balcony of their London penthouse with a Slovenian model whose name they can’t be arsed to remember? I’ll give you a clue. It’s not Lib f**king Dems.
“I’m a Tory, my dealer’s a Tory, his dealer’s a Tory, the wholesaler’s a non-dom so he can’t vote but he certainly donates. Who do these little people in government think they are?
“And it’s not just the rich. All those England supporters at Wembley, taking a bump then sticking flares up their arses? Ardent Remainers, you reckon? Or perhaps not?
“Snorting coke gives you impregnable self-confidence and instills in you the urgent need to make as much money as you possibly can to get more coke. These are the Tories’ core values.
“Take my passport? Piss off. How many videos of Boris doing a line must be out there? Hundreds. Thousands. Millions.”