The Daily Mash quiz of 2022, the year the Tories f**ked it

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How to drag your arse through the last working day before Christmas

STRUGGLING to stay motivated on the last working day before Christmas? Here’s how to slog through the next few hours miserable hours until you’re free.

Get drunk

This is your usual tactic for a Friday anyway, but today you won’t have to gargle mouthwash to hide the fact you had two pints of Stella for lunch. Just merrily swig mulled wine at your desk: everyone will think you’re getting in the festive spirit and not drowning your boredom.


F**k it, everyone else is. Adding another sector to the list shouldn’t make any difference. Mainly because nobody would notice if you downed tools and went home early. This also explains why there aren’t crowds of placard-waving protesters out supporting you. They save all that for proper jobs like nurses and train drivers, not whatever it is you do with computers.

Take epic toilet breaks

When you work in an office, a trip to the bathroom with your phone is like a mini vacation. Sadly these visits can’t last more than ten minutes though or people rightly start to suspect you’re taking the piss. Rules go out the window at Christmas though so treat yourself to 45-minute toilet breaks every couple of hours, it’ll be home time before you know it.

Think of those less fortunate than you

You might be finishing today, but that’s not the case for everyone. Think of the poor retail staff you’ll be pestering on Christmas Eve as you do your last bits of shopping five minutes before they’re due to close. They’re the real victims. Unlike Scrooge though, this epiphany won’t make you change your ways. You’ll see them at five to five sharp tomorrow evening.

Actually work

You could use this time wisely by getting on top of all the work you usually put off until January. But you won’t. Nobody ever does. Instead you’ll idly click between social media tabs for the next few hours in search of a dopamine hit, then come the first week back you’ll hate yourself for being so unproductive. It would be wrong to break with this hallowed tradition.