DO you vote Tory? Worried the party is mired in sleaze and corruption? Here, Tory MP Bill McKay explains why it isn’t.
It’s nice to help your friends out
Jacob Rees-Mogg recently extolled the benefits of the ‘convivial fraternal spirit’ of the Conservative party. Not only does this mean Tory MPs magically can’t catch Covid, it also allows us to get our mates out of trouble, even if it means trashing democracy in the process. That’s what friends are for.
It’s not lobbying, it’s entrepreneurial spirit
We Conservatives are pro-enterprise, and what is doing a bit of business on the side for large sums of money if not enterprising? Lefty socialists will obviously try and paint it as corrupt, but that’s because they want to live off state handouts, the lazy bastards.
Parliamentary standards are a fussy distraction
Getting rid of parliamentary standards stops further distractions for our MPs in the future. Do we really want Boris to take his eye off the ball while he’s investigated over the tedious little claims that a party donor paid for his gold wallpaper? Of course not, he needs to keep his eyes on the prize, namely horsing about like an idiot. I mean, governing.
Persistence isn’t corruption
If you don’t get the result you want so you decide to set up another body who will definitely come up with the correct one, it’s not corruption, it’s persistence, resolve and determination. All good, honest Conservative values that we can we proud of.
At least we’re not the Labour Party
Whatever we Tories do, pointing out that we’re not the Labour Party is the ultimate get out of jail free card, even if it doesn’t make much sense. Extra points if you add something about how it’s their fault the economy is wrecked, as if we haven’t been in power for eleven years.