THERESE Coffey has been secretly filmed shredding and smoking turnips for what she claims is the ultimate British high.
The environment secretary and native root vegetable evangelist was recorded in her office shredding dried turnip into a pipe, lighting it, smoking it and confessing to being ‘absolutely off her f**king face’ on patriotism.
On the recording, Coffey said: “Tomatoes? Mere flavour. You’ll never look back once you’ve tasted the exultant high of the true white meat.
“I’ve been smoking a turnip a day since I was 18, so that’s proof of their health benefits. And they’re versatile. You can have them from a pipe, put them in a cigar for a ‘Norfolk Blunt’, or use a hollowed-out turnip as a bong. Now that f**ks you up.
“One time me and Truss stayed up all night on turnips which must have been cut with swede, and I was so out of my box I regressed to a past life as a worm farmer in 1300s Worcestershire. Greatest night of my bloody life.
“But not everyone can handle them. We couldn’t have the whole country chasing the neep all day or we’d get nothing done. Christ, there’s nothing left on this one. Pass that Swaffham Kush over, I’ll do us another bowl.”
A government spokesman said: “Yes, Therese Coffey smokes turnips. Yes, they frequently render her incapable of rational thought for days. What of it?”
