WANT to defend the government even though it’s obvious they’re a bunch of lying shysters? Mindlessly loyal Tory voter Roy Hobbs explains how:
They work hard and deserved a knees up
Who didn’t need to let their hair down at the end of last year? It was a tough time. And it was especially tough for Downing Street staff, with all the hours they put in doing important work like defending Dominic Cummings.
No one else followed the rules
Lots of people had gatherings last Christmas so what’s the problem? Oh, you think the people who made it illegal to gather in large numbers shouldn’t have had one? That’s because you’re a snowflake. I had a party. Nobody came, but that’s not the point.
Allegra Stratton has taken the blame
Okay, so technically her only crime was making a joke about the alleged party, but you’ve got your scalp, you traitorous government haters. She pretended to cry and everything. What more do you want? Boris to resign? Don’t be ridiculous.
It’s part of an orchestrated attack by the left
Have you noticed how a terrible story about the Conservatives comes out every time there’s a by-election? The problem isn’t that the Tories are both corrupt and inept, it’s that their woke enemies want to undermine them by pointing it out. What do you mean, I sound mental?
Labour would have had a big, socialist orgy
As ever when I have no other line of defence I will claim Labour would have done something much worse. Rather than an innocent cheese and wine party they would have had a massive orgy and had rampant sex while a video of Neil Kinnock’s 1985 conference speech played. The animals.