Saturday, 24th October 2020

Trump optimistic after massive injection of bleach

DONALD Trump is being injected with a litre of bleach which will cure his Coronavirus.  

The president said he would be fine by tomorrow as his daughter and new personal physician Ivanka Trump erected a crude drip that will flood his circulatory system with floor cleaner.  

Trump said: “I’m getting the very best bleach here, it’s presidential grade bleach that just cleans out everything. Very top quality injecting bleach.  

“Then I’ll have a handful of those mosquito pills and some snacks, and be back on the golf course tomorrow afternoon.

“It’s no big deal. If you look at Boris, he seems really healthy now. To look at him you’d never know he’d even had it.”

He added: “I’d like to thank my medical team and also any obscure white supremacist groups with a vote to spare.”

Immunologist Dr Susan Traherne said: “Only time will tell, but apart from rank stupidity the factors against Donald Trump here are his age, weight and the collective prayers of several billion people.”