LABOUR is pitching its council election campaign at ordinary voters who cannot be f**ked going through yet another sodding leadership contest.
The party has confirmed that disastrous results in the local elections will mean challenges to Keir Starmer and all manner of bullshit designed to get Andy Burnham into office, and they can avoid all that with just a few Labour councillors.
Labour strategist Julian Cook said: “We’re not asking for a win. But if we hang onto about half, the country can avoid a whole lot of overexcited bollocks.
“We’d love to win based on bold ideas, but the inertia of the British public is far more reliable. We’re not promising change or unity. We’re offering the radical alternative of nothing particularly dramatic happening for a bit.
“Obviously you hate Starmer. That’s a given. But wouldn’t you prefer to kick him out in a general election rather than see Wes Streeting’s tosspot face on your telly for weeks? Do you honestly want to be forced to weigh the pros and cons of Angela Rayner?
“We are not asking anyone to be enthusiastic about our values or vision. We’re asking for the bare minimum level of engagement to prevent the country being dominated by six Labour WhatsApp groups for weeks on end.
“A vote for Labour is a vote for a quiet life. Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
Voter James Bates said: “I’m making my X for the Lib Dems. They could win every seat and the media would say the real story was Reform.”
