THERE’S now a desperate shortage of fruit pickers and lorry drivers, and if there was any justice in the world Brexiters would have to do it. For their benefit, here’s how cause and effect work.
The basics
In its simplest form, causality is the idea that one event causes another. So if you vote to stop crucial workers coming here, it might stop crucial workers coming here. What do you mean, you’re confused already?
What does cause and effect have to with fruit and lorries?
You know strawberries? They don’t spontaneously materialise in cartons in Tesco. A process known as ‘being picked’ causes them to get there. Also, Brexit has made it not worth the grief for foreign lorry drivers to come here. That’s a negative effect. All the anti-foreigner ranting and Union Jacks making it look as if the National Front was about to take over didn’t help either.
And don’t just say ‘We can all grow our own fruit and veg’ like you did during the entire 2016 Brexit campaign. We can’t and we’re all tired of that bullshit.
Believe it or not, there’s a link between people saying something is a terrible idea and it being a terrible idea
More cause and effect. When informed people warn against the grave folly of doing something, there’s usually a reason. For example, a highly qualified doctor will rarely recommend sawing your own leg off. However, applying Brexit logic, common sense tells you only having one leg would save time in the shower, so where’s that rusty hacksaw?
Why am I picking fruit? I don’t like it
As the British economy atrophies and job opportunities are drastically reduced until all that’s available is fruit and veg picking, you may be forced to do it. Or Job Centre Plus may simply threaten to cut off your Universal Credit if you don’t start picking asparagus at 6am. Still, Brexiters are always wanking on about honest graft, so you’re probably volunteering already. Oh, you’re not. How odd.
Knowing less than f**k all causes problems
These Brexit beliefs are all wrong and have caused problems: it’s easier to trade with Australia than Europe; Britain can ignore modern trade rules and act like it’s the Opium Wars; incredible weirdos like Johnson and Rees-Mogg would magically become great statesman in service of Brexit. There are many, many more. It’s not just stupid, it’s hilariously stupid – until you wonder what millions of Brexiters will vote for next. Spending our entire GDP on a Death Star? Where’s the problem? It didn’t take long to build in Return of the Jedi.
The Aristotelian view of cause and effect
Aristotle wrote extensively on cause and effect, but we’ll totally ignore that because it’s (A) either pointless ‘book learning’ if you’re a white van type, or (B) elitist rubbish from Britain’s Marxist universities who also offer BAs in Wokeness & Gender Bender Studies, if you’re a Daily Express reader. Also in your view Aristotle is a foreign bastard who should be sent to Rwanda if he tries to come here in a dinghy.
