THE ‘woke blob’ of civil servants which terrifies Daily Telegraph readers can only hurt you if you believe it is real, it has emerged.
The blob, which only those sufficiently right-wing can even see, descends upon perfectly innocent ideological hardliners and consumes them slowly and agonisingly leaving only the bare bones of a political career behind.
Backbencher Denys Finch Hatton said: “I’m terrified of the blob. I watched it envelop Kwasi Kwarteng, slowly absorbing every policy and conviction he had until he was nothing but a platitude-mouthing shell.
“But then other MPs walk through it as if it isn’t even there, considering it merely Whitehall employees suggesting that certain ideas might be unworkable due to international, and in some case physical, law.
“Suella’s locked in battle with the blob. She’s fighting it every single day. But to moderates she’s just kicking and punching and shouting at the air like a street-corner lunatic.
“The country at large doesn’t even believe in it. They seem to think our radical ideas, like ditching thousands of EU laws without even knowing what they are or the British Bill of Rights, are failing because they’re nonsense dreamed up by morons.
“When actually it’s all the blob.”