World War Two and five other historical crises that could have been solved by cutting taxes, by Liz Truss

FROM Atlantis sinking to 9/11, I’ve yet to see any crisis faced that couldn’t be beaten by the cutting of taxes. I’ll talk you through a few: 

The fall of Rome

Invaded by Goths, sacked by barbarians, the rise of Christianity and the decadence of its people: all mere irritants compared to the savage taxing of agriculture. Nobody grew food because it didn’t make economic sense to do so so millions starved. We could all be speaking Latin today if they’d announced a tax holiday.

The Black Death

The most fatal pandemic in recorded history killed 200 million. It was blamed on the conjunction of planets and a punishment from God instead of recognising the truth: it was caused by big government stifling wealth creators with regressive taxation. Cut those and bubonic plague couldn’t have got a foothold.

The English Civil War

Despite everything English being great and good at all times, because I won’t have people doing this country down, at one time there were competing visions of greatness. Like now, except Rishi’s beaten. Anyway, I’m not 100 per cent what it was about because of my terrible Leeds education, but I do know that lowering taxes would have fixed it.

World War Two

Hitler? Only became chancellor because of high taxes, not because of rampant inflation and failing government services or anything. Europe? Weak because of high taxes, not because of out-of-touch governments ignoring worker demands or anything. World War Two? Entirely preventable by the introduction of freeports.

The loss of the British Empire

One of the greatest disasters in history, and all due to taxation. If we’d just announced a zero-tax regime the money would have come flooding in – left-wing economists don’t understand this, but that’s how it works – and we’d be rightly ruling the US and China by now. We must get it back. We owe it to the Queen.

The resignation of Margaret Thatcher

A hammer-blow from which this nation has never recovered. And so unnecessary because all she needed do was abolish the poll tax, income tax, VAT, capital gains tax, the NHS and all public services. She would still be ruling us today. And in a very important sense soon will be.

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'I'm not right-wing, I just agree with everything right-wingers say and do'

A MAN who voices right-wing views, reads right-wing media and agrees with all right-wing policies is definitely not right-wing, he has confirmed. 

Jack Bates, a Daily Telegraph reader who thinks the NHS is overfunded and Scotland needs slapping down, denies that his backing for reactionary social policies and trickle-down economics makes him anything other than a moderate centrist and classic floating voter.

He said: “Just because I believe in flat taxes, halting all immigration and that climate change is a myth, people wrongly assume that I’m some sort of Tory.

“It’s stereotyping. The moment I start voicing my opinion that there shouldn’t be a safety net for the elderly or the disabled and that all employment rights should be abolished, people start tarring me with the ‘right-wing’ brush.”

“Maybe I’ve voted Conservative. Maybe I was a member for a while. Maybe I still am a member and I wrote to Boris Johnson demanding that transes not be allowed to drive after I read a Daily Mail article about it. But I don’t see how that makes me a ‘gammon’.”

“Honestly, if liberal snowflakes keep claiming I’m right-wing, I might just start sliding right. They’re far less judgemental and open to debating issues like whether non-property owners should have the vote.”