TODAY millions of Britons are proudly exercising their hard-won democratic right to vote in the local elections, or more probably staying in with a ready meal and Police Interceptors.
So if you’re diligently trogging round to your old primary school to vote, what should you do? Read our guide.
Don’t vote on totally irrelevant issues
Try to base your vote on local issues, or at least actual UK politics. Don’t give Labour councillors in Crewe a kicking because you’re angry about Iraq. It’s unlikely Blair got them to fire the cruise missiles.
Do not vote for tiresome joke candidates
All elections throw up a small number of deeply unfunny ‘joke’ candidates, eg. ‘King Roddy Noddy Ploddy and the League of Tall Diddymen’. For Christ’s sake don’t encourage them.
Avoid the single issue nutters
Madster parties like the BNP tend to produce crap councillors who don’t turn up to meetings. Although if you’re anticipating a global race war masterminded by the Jews it’s easy to see that you might de-prioritise wheelie bin collections.
Be nice to polling station workers
Most are volunteers working late for free, so be courteous to them. This includes not sharing your bizarre conspiracy theory that they secretly dump all the ballot papers ‘for the government’.
Take an interest in the regional mayoral elections
Actually this is a bit of a stretch for anyone. Just vote for the candidate with the best name.
If you can’t be arsed to vote, don’t claim it’s some sort of protest
If you can’t be bothered, don’t claim you’re “disenfranchised from the political process” or similar. Being a bit hacked off with politics and staying in to watch Eastenders doesn’t make you Steve Biko.