By Josh Gardner, whose parents lost £8,500 on Beanie Babies

I’M NOT smooth-brained. I know that the marketplace of ideas regularly blesses consumers with overpriced crazes, and it’s our civic duty to buy into them.

Nor am I immune to the charm of a passing fad. I’ve been rinsed by Tamagotchis, Pokemon cards and Funko Pops in my time. All of them were enriching experiences, forming my personality just as books did for Boomers.

And while I can appreciate trends like Fortnite and Minecraft, I have to admire them from afar. They’re not for me because I don’t have the reflexes of a 14-year-old wired on Monster and ADHD meds.

But I still find it heartwarming to see the next generation get brainwashed by IPs that will form the foundation of their relationships and spending habits for decades.

So imagine my disgust when celebrities promoting Labubu dolls tainted my immaculate Instagram feed of cosplaying OnlyFans models jumping in slo-mo. Their shameless sponsored content has no place on social media.

Yet after hate-watching Labubu ads for two hours until 3am, my interest was piqued. What was their lore? Does the Rizzler own one? And most importantly, would having one make me cool?

I headed over to the Pop Market website to learn more, but instead of products that would fill the aching void in my soul and give me something new to covet, all I saw were spooky Hello Kitty rip-offs.

I scrolled frantically. Surely there was more to this than viral popularity and blind box distribution? There has to be some deeper meaning. Violating every norm my generation has placed faith in, I began to wonder if they were just a cash-grab.

Maybe this was how older generations felt, seeing their first Transformer. Left behind by a world that had invented a dazzling new splendour. Confused, sad, yet compelled to participate because Orson Welles was doing the voice for the movie.

So while I may not understand what Labubu dolls are, why they’re popular and whether or not I even want one, I’ve bought a dozen using Klarna. The alternative would be not populating my corner of the flatshare with weird dolls. That would be ridiculous.