By Abigail Pennson, our reasonable, plain-speaking middle-class columnist who believes Starmer may as well admit failure and call an election now
THE liberal media has scoffed at them. Fact-checkers deny they exist. Both lie. I, as I told Donald Trump personally, have seen one with my own eyes.
Post-birth abortions, a healthcare policy spearheaded by Joe Biden’s Satanic abuse ring the Democrat party, are all the rage on America’s West Coast where the celebrities live.
Like you, I was incredulous when I heard. Doctors, blind drunk on the heady fumes of legal cannabis and a woman’s so-called ‘right to choose’, offering abortions for cash for up to six years after a child’s birth. And all legally.
I had to find out for myself. So, disguising myself as a billing agent, I snuck into a typical Santa Monica delivery room. Not knowing I would leave shaking, as covered in gore and changed forever as the policeman from Saw III.
‘Sure you want it?’ said the obstetrician casually, to a woman already in labour. They’d already explained there was no way of determining the sex of the baby until it was old enough to tell them, to which the parents replied ‘Obviously’.
‘Like it?’ the midwife asked when the baby was born. ‘Hmmm…’ replied the couple, who may or may not have been Hollywood liberals Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom. ‘Let’s try it with a different Instagram filter. Because I’m not feeling it.’
A grotesque 45 minutes of trying on outfits and photographing the newborn against Prada bags followed before the woman, who I cannot confirm was Lizzo, shook her head. ‘No,’ she said, ‘It’s not what I hoped for.’ In the background a nurse fired up a wood chipper.
The couple – perhaps named Lively and Reynolds? – left the hospital cheerfully, waving at paparazzi. I staggered out of a rear exit, numb with shock at the depravity I’d seen. I called Trump that moment.
He wasn’t surprised. Like me, he has only to imagine a terrible, deviant action committed by his opponents and he knows it is real without any evidence. For both of us it is a gift and a curse.
