From the diary of Rishi Sunak, the Ultraman of prime ministers
YOU’D never guess based on my confident, cool exterior, but secretly I’m a little bit nerdy. Specifically an otaku who loves anything anime who just landed in Tokyo.
The cover is I’m here for the G7. Actually I’m here for a Pochita plushie, armfuls of Master-Grade Gunpla, the original 1980 Japanese-language Virus on Laserdisc, One-Piece underwear, Genshin Impact Nandroids and a life-size Totoro.
I’m pumping yen into a gachapon when the phone goes. ‘Konnichiwa?’ I answer. It’s Hunt. ‘Did you say something about tampons and beer?’ he asks.
‘Sorry?’ I say, gasping as a rare Kamen Rider rolls out. ‘Tampons and beer,’ Hunt insists. ‘You told people Britain was better off after Brexit because of cheap tampons and beer.’
‘Rings a bell,’ I admit, heading down to Mandarake where I’ve heard there are fifth-generation Naroto ironing covers in, distracted by the odd feeling I’m being watched. ‘They are cheap, aren’t they?’
‘No,’ Hunt replies. ‘Tampon and beer manfacturers alike kept the price the same and kept the profits. Also, did you say something about unlimited immigration in perpetuity? Suella’s smashing mirrors.’
But I hang up. Because I’ve got that feeling again. An shadowy figure, face hidden, just dodged behind a pillar. I thought it was merely a life-size Yu-Gi-Oh until it moved.
Nothing. Turning, I carry on browsing the Shin Godzilla waifus when I feel it again. A sensation of pure, destructive evil. An uncomprehending force that kills monarchs and withers nations.
Grabbing an authentic Bleach katana, I whirl around, ready to confront this bobbleheaded death touch yōkai and slay it where it stands. My banzai cry dies on my lips.
‘I was in the neighbourhood and thought we could have a word about future taxation policy vis-à-vis growth,’ says Liz Truss.
