HOW daring and/or bored you are to launch into an open relationship, to the envy of all your friends except those who’ve tried it! So 21st century f**kboi!
In theory there are zero drawbacks: sex with new people without having to give up that special someone you’re grimly getting through House of the Dragon with. It could indeed be the best decision one of you ever forced the other into. But you’ll break these rules:
Be honest
Come on. It was awkward enough breaching the topic of f**king other in the first place, now you’ve got to give a blow-by-blow account? Or blow-by-blow-by-blow if there were three of them? Sharing every detail of the weird foot fetish you’re finally having satisfied? No.
Go slow
You’re licensed to bang for the first time in a decade, are you f**king kidding? Three days past Go and you’re deluged by a tsunami of cock, is that going slow? You’re going slow when you get cystitis.
Deal maturely with jealousy
Talk it over. Agree boundaries. Share emotions. Instead of what you’ll actually do, which is say ‘I’m not jealous!’ in a higher and higher register, while spending free time stalking this Leo bloke she’s shagging’s Instagram with clenched teeth.
Don’t fall in love
Famously something you can control and not linked to sex, so this will be easy. Except cartoon hearts already flew out when you kissed, let alone saw his inner thighs. Flouting the ‘no sleepovers’ and ‘only date the same person once a week’ rules to have your boring old boyfriend hiss ‘this was meant to be casual’.
Don’t shag people you both know
What a crazy rule. How are you to know if your girlfriend’s met her workmate Amber, her best friend Jessie or her sister Mona? You don’t keep her contacts book. And when you said you wanted to see other people, you had three specific people in mind.
Tend to your primary relationship
In order to make an open relationship work without destroying your primary relationship, you must make time for your partner. If you could be arsed with that you wouldn’t be shaking your tits all over town in the first place, but you still need a back-up plan.
Close the relationship again
In theory, if things aren’t working out for both parties, you’ve agreed to end the open experiment. In practice, things will be working out great for one party but not the other. And if you want to close it, you’re the loser one.
