HI folks! Sir Paul McCartney here. Beatles legend. Affable Scouser. Macca to his mates. I’m doing my famous thumbs up with my mouth open. You love that, don’t you? Well it is bloody iconic. 

I’m currently immersed in the press tour for my 19th solo album The Boys of Dungeon Lane, and no, I have no idea who’s still buying these things either. But these days, instead of rock and roll behaviour like throwing a TV out of a hotel window, not that I’ve ever done that myself, I’m into the simple pleasures – namely the middle aisle of Aldi.

So come with me as I visit the big Aldi in Hull. I’m wearing sunglasses to maintain my anonymity while I walk around singing Love Me Do with an acoustic guitar. Obviously I’ll graciously sign autographs in the unlikely event that people recognise me.

It’s Spanish Week in store but I forgo the Sangria spice mixes and head to the middle aisle of dreams. My sanctuary. My spiritual home. My Strawberry Fields.

What will I impulse buy this week? Some ice cube trays? A solar-powered garden light in the shape of a hedgehog driving a car? Or even a multipack of VK alcopops – £7.99 for ten. Not bad. The treasures are endless.

After a quick spiritual conflab with the ghosts of John and George I decide on some giant marshmallows, ten yoga mats and a gazebo – a snip at just £129.99. And the best thing is there’s a 30-day returns policy – handy for those times my wife insists I don’t need a pair of night vision goggles. Which I feel is a moot point.

These days I keep touring as as much for the access to Aldi bargains as the music or the fans. I’m forever trying to make gigs dovetail smoothly with a whizz round my favourite German multinational family-owned discount supermarket chain. 

There I’ll be in Rio, trying to ask the locals ‘Where is the nearest retail park?’ in broken Portuguese, or hoping Aldi has finally expanded into Japan. I’ve been robbed at gunpoint in the Brazilian favelas a few times, but a faint heart never won a pair of fuchsia kettle bells and a jumbo pack of dog food – which is worth having in case I buy a dog.

Yes, it’s the Aldi special deals I’m living for these days. Age comes to us all, but I’ll follow my passion as long as I’m able. And who knows, I could probably crank out an album about Aldi bargains? I’ll see if Ringo and Chrissie Hynde are up for it. 

But for now I’m content to browse the pilates machines, paddling pools and firelighters – a ‘magical mystery tour’, if you will. So this is Macca signing off. Thumbs up, mouth open, obviously.