GUTTED England fans will largely spend today listlessly doing menial tasks in between muttering ‘f**king hell’. Use our checklist:
When waking up, hitting snooze and remembering last night
When in the shower, those three penalties cycling through your head, none of them ever going in the goal
Immediately after opening whatever you’re meant to be doing for work, followed by 40 minutes slumped, dazed inactivity
On the toilet
When making yourself lunch and spotting an unopened can of beer and telling yourself it does matter, you can’t drink at noon, you might lose your job
Immediately after opening said can of beer
On the toilet again, but crying
When staring into the dead eyes of a stranger who feels exactly as you do but you’re both too English to say
When surfing a social media full of twats saying we should celebrate how well we did when we lost
At traffic lights
Over dinner, even though the kids are there, and nobody says anything because they feel the same way
While staring blankly at Love Island not knowing who anyone is, what they’re saying or why you should care
On the toilet one last time, for 25 minutes, imagining if we’d won
In bed after turning out the light, and before tears come
