THE UK has realised it would be balls-deep in a World Cup summer right now if the tournament had not been awarded to f**king Qatar.
Football fans worldwide have looked at a calendar and seen only shitty Nations League games where a proper big f**k-off tournament should be, because of FIFA’s bullshit.
Tom Logan of Peterborough said: “It was when I was drifting asleep on Saturday, after watching a dull-as-shit game against Germany shown on Channel bloody Four, that I suddenly sat up and said ‘F**k Qatar’.
“If not for them, and the dickheads at FIFA two of whom are not unrelatedly on trial for fraud right now, it could have gone to a sensible country. One where they play football that isn’t a desert.
“If I had to get up at 6.30am to watch a group game in Manila, I’d do it. World Cup’s about different cultures, innit. But in November? How’s it a football tournament if you’re not pissed in the garden?”
Francesca Johnson agreed: “Right now should be all Kane, Bale, Mbappe, World Cup-themed barbecues and singing Three Lions hammered. But it isn’t, because Qatar decided the footballing world needed to know its name.
“Well, we know your name now, Qatar. And you can go f**k yourself.”