A MAN who up until yesterday was an ardent Arsenal fan is now feigning ignorance about the sport of football as a whole.
Wayne Hayes’s sudden football-specific memory loss coincides with Arsenal’s punishing 4-1 defeat to Man City last night, an event which he also claims to have no knowledge of whatsoever.
He said: “Foot… ball? No, you’ve lost me, sorry. Is it a new thing?
“I’m sure it’s very fun, whatever it is, but I’ve simply never come across it. I’m guessing it’s a niche pastime that not many people are into, otherwise I probably would’ve heard of it.
“Take yesterday evening for example. I went to bed nice and early, did a spot of reading, and didn’t stay up late crying over the fact that the Gunner’s hopes of becoming Premier League champions continued to slip away.
“As I’ve already outlined, I don’t know what any of those words mean. So stop coming up to me with a shit-eating grin and asking me about last night’s game. Please. I beg you.”
Friend Tom Booker said: “I should probably tell Wayne to change out of that tear-stained Arsenal shirt, but maybe it’s too soon. He needs time to mourn.”