How to feel sorry for Andy Murray finishing work at 4am

ANDY Murray is raging about having to work for five hours and finish at 4am. Here’s how to feel sorry about this blatant breach of his human rights.

Put yourself in his shoes

A bit of empathy goes a long way. How would you like it if your job took you to Australia and you had to do it in a stadium filled with adoring fans? Exactly. Once you factor in these horrific working conditions Murray’s whingeing makes total sense and he doesn’t sound like a petulant twat at all.

Pretend night shifts don’t exist

Lots of people toil away during the night without complaining about it. And some of them don’t even get lucrative sponsorship deals, would you believe? Erase these people from your mind if you want to feel sorry for Andy Murray. If he’s the only person in history who’s had to work when everyone else is sleeping, he’s got a good point.

Ignore how much he’s paid

His income is probably the biggest hurdle to sympathising with Murray. Yes, his estimated worth is more than you’ll ever earn in numerous lifetimes, but try to imagine he’s paid whatever pitiful sum you rake in. Otherwise he sounds silly for not wanting to hit a ball and be paid millions for it while it happens to be dark outside.

Remember he’s a sports personality

Sports personalities are better than you. They’ve dedicated their existence to perfecting a very specific set of pointless actions which don’t save or improve anyone’s life. The idea that they should have to be inconvenienced in the slightest when they are practically gods is blasphemous. Shame on you.

Think of him as British

Still struggling to feel sorry for Andy Murray? Remember he’s one of your own. How could you ignore the plight of your fellow countryman as he wearily battles his way through the early hours of the day? Admittedly this step will require a lot of effort if you’re English because, to be fair, he is acting like a right Scottish diva.

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Nurse admits using food bank for fun

A NURSE has admitted that she has plenty of money to buy groceries but loves the vibe down at the food bank so visits three times a week.

Carolyn Ryan, aged 34, earns £30,000 a year which after rent, bills, childcare and student loans leaves her with a disposable income in two figures, but goes to the food bank anyway because it is such a laugh.

She said: “First, they’re giving away food for free. I mean, hello? I’m not an idiot.

“Second, the craic down there is epic. Whether you’re a single mother in condemned housing, an unemployed man in his mid-50s or a Deliveroo rider exhausted after a 16-hour shift, it’s all good down the food bank.

“I popped in last week for some own-brand bran flakes and cheddar I didn’t even need, just to hang out with the guys. The mood is just infectious. You don’t want to leave and not just because the heating’s on.

“I know I don’t actually need to use the food bank – any backbench Tory MP can tell you that – but I do anyway for the thrill, for the camaraderie, and to make the government look bad.”

Conservative voter Norman Steele said: “I f**king knew it.”