A MAN watching lycra-clad people perform some physical bollocks according to impenetrable rules is pretty confident this must be the Olympics.
Wayne Hayes flicked on the TV to find a bunch of lean, determined athletes psyching themselves up to push their bodies to the limit in a sport he had never previously heard of and does not understand, and remembered this happens every four years.
He said: “I think this one might be some form of gymnastics? Maybe. Or possibly a martial art.
“Either way the judges have given that German girl low marks, though I don’t have a bugger why, and apparently Team GB aren’t expected to do well so no point finding out.
“It’s cycling one minute, freestyle wrestling the next. It’s like when ITV had World of Sport with Dickie Davies because they didn’t have any football. Exactly like, in fact.
“How long does it go on for? A month? Of keen little twats doing downhill archery and I’m meant to care about it? Then they’ll all be making up the numbers on Celebrity Bake Off being annoyingly ultra-competitive while we struggle to remember who they are.
“Still, I’ll watch it. There’s f**k all else on.”