Spanish FA chief resigns so he and Jenni Hermoso can date

SPANISH FA president Luis Rubiales has sacrificed the job he loves so he and Jenni Hermoso are free to go out. 

Rubiales has accepted that his position made his spontaneous kiss of Hermoso at the World Cup celebrations an abuse of his power, and has nobly stepped down so they can explore their burgeoning relationship.

He said: “I am a man who gives himself over passion. And if I must choose between my heart and the career I have worked all my life for? Then the career will go.

“They say that my role, effectively as Jenni’s boss, makes my kiss a crime? Then I am no longer her boss, and the obstacles to our love have been removed.

“I do not blame Jenni if she is taken aback by this magnificent gesture of romance, which must surely rank with the exploits of Don Juan. Nor do I expect her to rush directly into my arms. This is not the end of our story of love. It is only the beginning.

“Tonight I will be at El Jardín Secreto in Madrid, bearing two dozen red roses. If I know Jenni like I believe I know Jenni, she will join me there.

“And the kiss we share at the end of the evening? That, my friends, will be nobody’s business but our own.”

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Man horny to shoot down date's lists of top five films, albums and TV shows

A MAN is keen to date women who propose lists of their favourite things so he can laugh derisively and force-feed them his own preferences instead. 

Tom Booker believes women are more likely to be turned on by listening to his ratings system for cultural highlights than mutually interesting conversations about political opinions, career aspirations or past dating histories.

Booker said: “There’s nothing sexier than a girl rattling off her top fives, which I’ve asked for within two minutes of meeting her, and then telling her she’s wrong and listing my favourites instead.

“The best date I’ve ever had was when she said The Vampire Diaries and Celebrity Juice were legitimate TV shows, and I shot her down and went into great detail about why Firefly’s cancellation was a tragedy. It was so hot.

“Yeah, I suppose I don’t end up sleeping with as many ladies as I’d like. Hardly any actually. But I guess they’re just intimidated by my vastly superior intellect.”

Kelly Howard, who went on a date with Booker, said: “I put up with his tedious shit until he asked for a list of my favourite sexual positions. It seems ‘at home alone with my vibrator’ wasn’t on his top five.”