Angry Scotsman to be released into community

BRITAIN faces the prospect of yet another unemployed, angry Scottish person at large.

Do not engage him in conversation. That's what he wants.

Do not engage him in conversation. That’s what he wants.

Alexander Ferguson, a Glaswegian, will be released during the summer, with experts warning of a devastating effect on tourism, the economy and everything else.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “The one thing that puts people off visiting Britain is the very real prospect of being accosted in the street by an inexplicably furious Scotsman.

“Football clubs have proved to be very effective at containing belligerent Scottish people who would otherwise be free to vent their spleen in a public space.

“The football clubs should be forced to keep them, for ever, in a gated community where they can scream at each other and work on their endless, incomprehensible grudges.”

Meanwhile, Ferguson’s release has prompted golf clubs across the UK to draw up contingency plans in case they become the venue for his ongoing campaign of terror.

Martin Bishop, secretary of Hatfield Golf and Country Club, said: “We have taken down our website and prepared temporary signage to make the place look like a garden centre.”

Bishop added: “He now has the chance to travel. They should put him on the Orient Express so he can call everyone in Venice a bastard.”