ANYONE pontificating on Eden Hazard will be kicked quite hard in the upper-torso, it has been confirmed.
Less than 48 hours since two cretins clashed in front of millions of dullards, the incident has been subjected to comprehensive buffoon dissection.
In a bid to stop the subject reaching Moronic Tipping Point (MTP) – where a subject becomes self-perpetuatingly stupid – authorities have sanctioned a widescale program of no-fault shoeing.
Footballologist Wayne Hayes said: “First up should be Joey Barton. And I haven’t even checked his twitter feed.”
Officials hope to avoid a repeat of the Suarez Opinion Event of 2011, which took over a year before everyone had made their predictable, ill-considered points and cost the economy more than £3 billion.
The method will also be used on people with opinions about JJ Abrams directing the next Star Wars film.
Hayes said: This isnt about stifling the free flow of debate, its about not wanting to punch a hole in the side of the universe every time ‘something’ happens.