GARETH Bale has repaid his new owners Real Madrid by scoring an incredible 85,000,001 goals in his first game for the club.
The player scored 30 million goals in the first half against Villareal, wearing out two goalkeepers and four nets.
He went on to hit the target a further 55 million times in the second half, though one strike was disallowed for offside.
Real president Florentino Perez said: “It would have been utter madness to pay such a high price for a player who scored only once or twice per game, or 30 or 40 times per season.
Bale plans to spend his £425,000 goalscoring bonus on a 44-acre museum to house his collection of match balls.
Meanwhile, Bales teammate Cristiano Ronaldo has negotiated a record new contract which commits him to scoring 288,461 goals a week.