Blackburn appoints Lambert out of spite

BLACKBURN Rovers has hired Paul Lambert as manager to teach ungrateful supporters a lesson.

Rovers fans have been vocal in their criticism of the club’s board, and managing director Derek Shaw admitted that the deliberate infliction of Lambert is all about revenge.

Shaw said: “I’ve had it up to here with those bastards and their pie-in-the-sky demands. If they want to boo, we’ll give them something to boo.

“Let’s see how they like it when they’ve watched their nineteenth consecutive nil-nil draw. They’ll be begging to have Steve Kean back.”

Lambert said: “The best attack is a good defence, and the best defence is also a good defence. We’ll be trying to lull other teams to sleep through a combination of our tactics and my soft but depressing voice.

“It’s vitally important the fans make no sudden cheering noises, but I don’t think that will be a problem when they see the signings I’ve got lined up.” 

Blackburn fan Joseph Turner said: “Watching a Lambert team is a real education, in the sense that you feel like you’re in a geography lesson that’s never going to end.”