FABIO Capello has responded to Michael Owen questioning his exile from
the England squad by burning him a DVD of the last five years of his career.
The England manager has provided a commentary pointing out all the times Owen can be seen sitting on the bench playing with his phone.
He has also added a blooper reel of the alleged striker warming up on the touchline during a match before returning to his world class seat for the rest of it.
Capello said: “I understand Michael’s frustration but there are many factors in the selection process and somebody being a jumped-up little tit can sometimes be a deal-breaker.
“Admittedly this hasn’t hampered Terry, Rooney, Gerrard and at least 15 others but then they haven’t produced a 34-page brochure about themselves as if they were a new Audi.
“We simply have somebody ahead of him in the pecking order in every department – Heskey is better at not scoring goals, Carrick is better at being permanently injured and Joe Cole is better at strutting around like a deluded ponce.”
Copies of the Owen DVD will be available to buy next week, with retailers warning that the disc will initially play brilliantly but start to break down on a regular basis and will cost an absolute fortune, despite the fact consumers will probably only play it a couple of times a year.
Owen is said to be disappointed by Capello’s response, a reaction which has unfortunately torn his left anterior disappointment cartilage.