KENNY Dalglish has signed for Liverpool, boosting both morale and their ineffective strike force.
A proven goalscorer at both club and international level, Dalglish is considered the ideal candidate to bring back the heart, the passion, the pride, the passion and the heart to the football club.
Diehard fans are convinced the signing will bring back Liverpool’s glory days. Besides footballing victories, they believe it will trigger the recommissioning of Brookside, Bread, the reformation of The Farm and Jimmy Tarbuck’s return to Saturday night TV.
Some commentators have queried the £42 million Liverpool paid for Dalglish, particularly as he is not affiliated to any club, and the length of his ten year contract.
Roy Hobbs, editor of the Liverpool fanzine Shirt!, said: “When it comes to Dalglish, money is no issue. It’s about the pride, the heart, the passion.
“And the heart and the pride. And the passion. And heart.
“And the passion.”
Liverpool remain among the biggest names in British club football, with three syllables and nine letters.
And whereas fans of other football clubs make their way to the ground one by one, never communicating or consorting with one another, Liverpool fans, uniquely, never walk alone.
Footballologist Stephen Malley said: “You can’t go wrong with a man like Kenny.
“I’d put myself up for the team but I’m a wee bit young at 38. You don’t win anything with kids.”