WIMBLEDON has been defiled, perhaps forever, by the vulgar skill and strength of some dreadful American who probably eats with his hands.
The man, named ‘Querrey’, disgraced our Centre Court by firing a tennis ball at unreasonable and vicious speed towards the National Hero.
Meanwhile, the National Hero remained on his feet even as the vile, ghastly American no doubt hit him repeatedly in the face with a large spanner, as Americans often do.
It has also been revealed that the National Hero had one of his hips stolen by Russian gangsters earlier today and was forced to replace it with a garlic press and a grapefruit.
‘Querrey’ will now go onto the semi final of the Sacred Tournament where, God willing, he will be thrashed by a slightly less ghastly, unspeakable foreigner.