England fan to savour next penalty shootout as if it were a fine wine


AN England fan is planning to savour the team’s next penalty shootout as if it were a fine, vintage wine.

Nathan Muir confirmed that following last night’s game he no longer fears penalties because England are sure to win them, and next time will make sure he enjoys every delectable moment.

He continued: “Can you believe I was covering my eyes at points? So uncultured. So gauche.

“If we’re so lucky as to go to penalties against Sweden on Saturday, I won’t miss a moment. Even if they save one I may pause the broadcast to wallow in the despair that I know will shortly lift.

“I’ll relish every twist and turn as one would a thrilling rollercoaster ride, drinking in the adrenaline in the confidence that it’s perfectly safe because our boys will win beyond any doubt.

“I hope we miss the first one next time. That would give proceedings such a piquant sense of peril, before we inevitably triumph and go through to the semi-finals.”

He added: “Mmm, penalties. So moreish. I imagine this is just how Gareth Southgate feels.”