English man adds 'f**king Bulgars' to his vocabulary

AN English man has added ‘f**king Bulgars’ to his vocabulary of muttered invective after England’s match against Bulgaria last night.

Nathan Muir of Colchester had not previously known there was a specific word he could use against Bulgarian people and was delighted to learn one after last night’s six-nil triumph over prejudice.

He said: “Our lads Mings, Sterling and the other one really showed those bigoted f**kers. Sorry, Bulgars.

“And it’s so versatile. Bulgar off. Stick it up your Bulgars. Go Bulgar yourself. And it’s fine to use all these as much as you like, because they’re the racists.

“Previously I’ve been restricted to muttering ‘bloody Bulgarians’ when I see someone white but speaking foreign, which is clumsy and felt offensive to Great Uncle Bulgaria, the wisest of the Wombles.

“I think I’m going to get a lot of use out of Bulgars. I’m glad UEFA didn’t halt last night’s match, like they really should have under their own anti-racist rules, because otherwise I’d remained shamefully ignorant.”

He added: “No surrender, no surrender, no surrender to the Bulgar twats. See? Works beautiful.”

Consider subscribing - so we can write more funny content. .js-article{ display:none;}

Press takes Rebekah Vardy's side, proving she's innocent

THE media have firmly taken the side of Rebekah Vardy in her dispute with Coleen Rooney, proving she is not working with the media.

Newspapers from the Sun to the Daily Mail have rallied around poor Rebekah as if she were a close friend they were always on the phone to, establishing her innocence once and for all.

Celebrity gossip editor Carolyn Ryan said: “Nothing’s too much trouble for Becky, who I’ve never spoken to and don’t know at all.

“I’ve sent photographers to the airport to get photos of her upset in a tracksuit, which came as a complete surprise to her, and I’ve got lengthy testimony about how devastating all this has been from close friends who sent it in unsolicited.

“I’ve even bought phone footage of Wayne Rooney nodding to a waitress serving drinks all the way from America, which shows that I’m completely impartial about this terrible thing that witch Coleen’s done.

“And later on we’ll be fabricating some kind of health scare for Rebekah, who’s pregnant as we mention six times a day, and making no bones about who’s responsible. I bet you can guess.”

She added: “If only Coleen had come to us with this as an exclusive in the first place. Some people don’t know who their friends are.”

Next story ›