CHELSEA stewards have joined Everton on a loan deal so that suffering fans can be tossed quickly out of the ground when it all gets too awful.
The Chelsea simians, specially trained in state of the art ejection techniques, will spend the rest of the season at Goodison Park. The weekly tossing is expected to begin shortly after the telltale sign of Tim Howard picking the ball out of his net again.
Meanwhile sound monitors will also be placed around the stadium to pick up the high-pitched whining indicative of somebody from Liverpool in distress.
Evertonian, Wayne Hayes, said: “It’s nice to know that as I watch Bolton’s sixth sailing goalward, the next thing I’ll experience is the sweet oblivion of being brained by a set of turnstiles.
“And if the lads could sign something to say I slipped on some dodgy paving while they’re at it, I could bung a claim in and everyone’s a winner. Except for Everton, obviously.”
Chairman Bill Kenwright stressed the new initiative was all part of the modernisation of the club which started in 1994 with their acknowledgement that black footballers exist and continues to this day with their advice to fans that they stop shouting horribly racist things at them.
Kenwright said: “Watching the side shuffle aimlessly around the pitch while David Moyes seethes on the touchline like a Lidl version of Alex Ferguson is bound to make you want to be hoofed out.
“Although you are being hoofed out into the city of Liverpool which leads to a whole frying pan/fire kind of thing.”