MANCHESTER United manger Sir Alex Ferguson last night rejected claims he was involved in a plan that will help millionaires become richer and shut thousands of miserable fans the fuck up.
Ferguson said a plan by a group of City financiers, known as the Red Knights, to buy the club from the evil Glazer family while giving a greater say to ordinary supporters, offended his simultaneous beliefs in both capitalism and socialism.
Sitting atop his third favourite racehorse, Ferguson said he had always hated money and stressed he was comfortable with the concept of people power unless it accidentally led to actual people having actual power.
He insisted: "The Glazers, the Red Knights and myself will all no doubt make vile amounts of money from this revoltingly obvious thing to do, while the chances of the new owners replacing me with Avram Grant remain disgracefully non-existent."
Ferguson did also stress that if he is the person controlling the budget for new players and the person complaining he does not get enough money to buy new players, it will simply increase the frequency with which he goes absolutely mental.
The Red Knights takeover bid is being organised by millionaire financiers Keith Harris, Jim O'Neill, Paul Marshall and Keith's best friend Orville.
Speaking through Orville, Harris said: "I wish I could fly way up to the sky in a consortium made up of high net worth individuals, private equity funds and supporter-shareholders with limited voting rights, but I can't."
Meanwhile the Glazer family have refused to relinquish control of the club insisting there are still some nice crispy bits of skin towards the back end they can pick at.