WINNING at football requires eleven good players, experts have confirmed.
After Germany lifted the World Cup by having a team’s-worth of people behaving as a collective, coaches have been asked to focus on more than one person at a time.
Footballologist Wayne Hayes said: Received wisdom suggested that Argentina would win ‘because Messi’, but he didn’t have the ball for 98 per cent of the time so that didn’t really work.
Predictions that he would play keepy-up for ten minutes before hitting a 40-yard thunderbolt into the top corner of the net using his penis now seem a little unrealistic.
Suspicions that football victory requires more than just one player were raised when Brazil lost 7-1 by repeatedly passing the ball to Neymar despite him not being on the pitch.
Earlier in the tournament England showed the shortcomings of the individual-based strategy when the one player you’re relying on is awful.
The German model will be copied by the FA, which hopes to develop a generation of players that are vaguely aware of other humans on the pitch.