Thursday, 6th May 2021

Football fans allowed to switch teams, FA announces

FOOTBALL authorities have declared a supporting amnesty for the next 12 days during which fans can switch team without penalty. 

The Premier League, Championship and English Football League have agreed that, in this once-in-a-lifetime situation of paused football, fans can drop their lifelong affiliations and support a club that wins sometimes instead.

Bradford City fan Martin Bishop said: “After 46 years my suffering is over. I was indoctrinated into supporting the Bantams when I was a child, condemned to a lifetime of fourth-tier football by my own father.

“But now I can switch to supporting Chelsea and actually watch some decent f**king football and even experience the thrill of winning.”

Manchester United fan Roy Hobbs said: “I’m actually a nice, generous person, but everyone assumes I’m a loathsome monster because of my team affiliation.

“I’ve won enough in my time. I’m going to spend my retirement as a virtuous Barnsley supporter.”

The plan faces legal objections from Mike Ashley, whose £300m deal to sell Newcastle United is expected to founder now they have no supporters whatsoever.