Friday, 14th May 2021

Historic six-nil giant-killing victory won by plucky little amateurs

A GROUP of plucky football-loving amateurs have scored a historic six-nil win over England’s billionaire football clubs. 

The shock victory saw Chelsea, Liverpool, Man United and Man City, Arsenal and Spurs get the shit comprehensively kicked out of them by a bunch of grubby little fans living in terraced houses who know way more about the spirit of the game.

The win is deeply ironic because it represents exactly the kind of unlikely sporting triumph for fair play and collective spirit the clubs were trying to opt out of.

Fan Nathan Muir of Hitchin said: “Weren’t expecting that were you, arrogant wankers? Want a f**king VAR review?

“Come up with all the bulldozing tactics you like, but ultimately it’s all about what happens on the day and over the 72 hours you crumbled like Newcastle in the 1996 title race.

“This is a historic humiliation. The lads Henderson and Maguire done good. You’re trudging back to your shareholders shame-faced, tails between your legs, a disgrace to the f**king badge.”

A Big Six chairman said: “Yeah, laugh it up. Your season ticket price just got doubled.”