Hodgson to name grandson in England squad

FRESHLY-CONDEMNED England manager Roy Hodgson is to name a Euro 2012 squad of 23 players including young Sarah’s lad.

Hodgson plans to avoid foreign grub while overseas

The slightly lost­-looking blame­-magnet will be able change his final squad sheet right up until May 29th assuming he can find it in the drawer where he keeps electric bills dating back 20 years, and bits of old wrapping paper.

Hodgson said” “I’ll be asking Frank to come over to Poland as our Sarah’s raised a lovely lad and it’s never any bother when I want him to pop out for my bits from the Tescos.

“Apparently he’s not a big fan of the football and prefers opera, which I don’t much hold with myself as it’s just shouting, but I’m sure the other lads will make him feel welcome and not make fun of his asthma or his bad leg.

“I’ve got to pick 22 others and I’ll be basing it on who’s impressed me recently on A Question Of Sport. Matt Dawson plays football, doesn’t he?”

Hodgson has begun preparations for the tournament by checking that England’s Polish training camp is well­-stocked with lemon drizzle cake and proper china cups for his tea.

He will head off immediately after West Brom’s last league game on Sunday, taking the coach there as he ‘wouldn’t get in a plane if you paid me, thank you’.

Tensions within the squad are currently running high and the FA have prepared a complex Venn diagram detailing who has slept with who’s wife and which players have a court order out against each other. However, the manager plans to overcome this with a bit of a sing­song and a whist drive on the coach trip there.

Hodgson added “I’m sure we’ll all have a lovely time and come back with a nice souvenir of our trip to cheer everyone up, assuming they sell snow globes over there.”