LIVERPOOL coach Rafael Benitez last night called for his team's immaculate kit to be the benchmark for their success.
Brushing aside the club's 2-1 defeat to Lyon, Benitez insisted his squad were now the cleanest and best turned out in the Champion's League.
He said: "When a panel of ordinary housewives assesses the summer freshness of our socks the table will begin to look very different my friends. Oh yes.
"I have it on good authority that Fiorentina do not use fabric softener and their spin cycle is sluggish at best.
"And when Lyon hold their tops up to the kitchen window on a sunny day they simply expose the greyness of their whites."
He added: "While other managers have fallen for the idiotic fantasy of washing everything at 40 degrees, I have pursued a policy of 60 degrees as well as a vigorous pre-wash. That is how you get outstanding results, every time."
Benitez said his team's impressive record would continue on Sunday against Manchester United when increasingly demanding consumers would see for themselves Sir Alex Ferguson's abject failure to remove the stubborn stains from Wayne Rooney's groin.
Liverpool's assistant manager Sammy Lee said: "Don't tell anyone, but I'm going to manage the club in secret from now on."
Elsewhere it was a bad night for British clubs as Rangers were beaten 4-1 after admitting they did not know they were allowed to include a goalkeeper, while Arsenal conceded a late equaliser after forgetting they were playing in their away kit.