Man creates authentically awful 'fanzone' in his living room

A FOOTBALL fan has created a Euro 2016 fanzone, complete with big screen, branded alcohol and police presence, in his own front room. 

Stephen Malley of Stoke-on-Trent has recreated the atmosphere of the fanzones around France by charging himself an inflated price for lager, moving his television so it can only be seen from an awkward angle, and urinating behind the sofa.

He said: “If you can’t get a ticket, this is the next best thing to not having a ticket but inexplicably going to France anyway.

“I’ve erected a temporary steel fence to stop me getting out and my brother-in-law’s dressed in a gendarme outfit and occasionally charges in to give me a few blows around the head with his baton.

“It’s incredible to sit here, sweating in my replica shirt, a sea of empty cans and discarded, half-eaten baguettes around my feet, knowing I’m getting exactly the same experience as the fans hundreds of miles away.

“Though there is always something a little bit sad about a solo riot.”

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Mum finally finishes reading daughter’s teenage diary

A MOTHER has finally got around to finishing reading her now grown-up daughter’s teenage diaries. 

Mary Fisher first began the confidential diaries eight years ago, when daughter Emma went to university, but has admitted they are “not exactly page-turners”.

She continued: “They start really well, with this idealistic young girl battling an icy, heartless guardian – Charlize Theron in the movie – but then nothing happens for literally years.

“It’s just the same old boys-don’t-notice-me-nobody-understands-me-I-wish-I-was-dead moaning for half the book, and I ended up putting it down and picking up the new Jack Reacher.

“Why couldn’t she write something more like that Gossip Girl? I mean I know she was in Nottingham not Manhattan and grounded most of the time, but have a little imagination.”

Fisher added: “I’m determined to finish them because I never give up on a book, but it’s a struggle.

“I’ve had to put it forward for the next meeting of my reading group. That way we can all read it together.”