Manchester United finally appoint manager as loathsome as they are

MANCHESTER United have finally found a manager as entitled, self-important and prone to temper tantrums as the club itself.

Jose Mourinho was appointed manager today after United bosses realised their initial revulsion was only because they were seeing a reflection of themselves.

A club insider said: “Vain, egotistical, convinced the world is against them as they ignore every rule to suit themselves; it’s the perfect match.

“Mourinho’s arrogance hasn’t been remotely affected by him guiding his last club to one place above relegation, just as Manchester United still believe they’re the best club in England despite finishing fifth.

“Together they will dispute every decision, find undeserving scapegoats for every loss, and steal any talented player they choose, all the while complaining bitterly of unfairness.

“Also, they’ll probably win everything. That’s what makes them truly detestable.”