McIlroy's dad puts £100,000 on him burning out by 30

GERRY McIlroy has bet the money he won on his son’s Open victory on him never winning a major ever again.

After winning £100,000 on a £10 bet made when Rory was only 15, the golfer’s father was straight down the bookies to put the lot on a forthcoming irreversible decline.

Gerry said: “There are very few golfing greats who win major after major, and my son is definitely not one of them.

“With this one under his belt he’s all set to believe the hype, ignore his caddy, get the yips in his swing and throw it all away, which means a massive cash jackpot for yours truly.

“I’ve filled the Claret Jug with liquid ecstasy to get him started.”

The bet follows the example of Kultida Woods, mother of Tiger, who won an estimated $60 million gambling on her son’s career.

She said: “I did an unusual two-way accumulator: I bet he’d win 14 majors before he was 32, and then that he wouldn’t win any after that.

“2009 was a very nervous year because it looked like he’d been trained too well, but thankfully it all fell apart on schedule.

“Thank God for skanks.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Everybody really hates the slate thing, chefs told

NO diner prefers a slab of black rock to a plate, chefs have been informed.

Food eater Tom Booker said: “Everything about slate is wrong. Chefs should know that I never want to eat something that looks evil.

“I think plates work really well, I like the combination of a flat clean surface with the raised edges that are vital to sauce retention.

“Best of all they do not make the noise of a dragster braking when cutlery is dragged across them.”

Chef Stephen Malley said: “Being a chef, I am a completely unreasonable human being so I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about my slates.

“I really like The Flintstones, which influences how I present my food.”