Millionaires Win Stuff

SOME millionaires won some stuff yesterday while some other millionaires did not.

Cristiano Ronaldo believes 'Manchester' may be a brand of hair gel

In an empty, soulless climax to the pointless season, a quite old Scottish millionaire and his team of younger millionaires walked around a stadium showing off a piece of metal.

Devoted fan Tom Logan said: "I like to watch millionaires run around while trying to convince myself there is something at stake. It's quite interesting.

"And I'm really pleased that we have won this particular piece of metal thanks to some millionaires who could not point to Manchester on a map."

He added: "Many years ago my father would watch local lads take on some lads from another town and everyone would be proud and excited.

"But unfortunately they weren't millionaires and their wives were all quite plain."

He added: "Now it's better because the players have lucrative sponsorship deals on top of their well-structured three and five year contracts. I'm very happy for them.

"And when I watch them on television the vast array of camera angles helps me convince myself I am being entertained."

Meanwhile at the other end of the meaningless table, some other millionaires were disappointed after they realised they would have to play in a league where not everyone was a millionaire.