Newcastle Opt For Magic Beans

NEWCASTLE United today pinned their hopes on a bag of magic beans bought on the way to market.

The beans have been a regular on Match of the Day

The relegation threatened club said the beans had been acquired in exchange for an old cow in a deal worth some beans and a cow.

Newcastle fans were ecstatic at the return of the bag of beans which spent 10 glorious years sitting on the opposition goal line at St James's Park.

The beans will now be thrown out of a window in a last-ditch bid to keep the Magpies in the top flight.

Bill McKay, vice-chairman of the Toon Army supporters club, said: "Why waste money on an experienced manager with a good track record who knows how to get the best out of an unremarkable squad when you can just some chuck some magic beans into the garden and see what happens next?

"After years of disappointment and instability, Newcastle fans can now look forward to a period of beanstalks, stolen geese, thwarted, bread-making giants and an unlimited supply of big, shiny golden eggs."

But Charlie Reeves, football analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "It's a bold move. The only obstacle I can foresee is that while magic beans have been known to work, their success is limited exclusively to children's fairytales.

"The problem is that the Premier League is very real and, unfortunately for Newcastle, a bag of magic beans is not going to work just because they really, really want it to."