Premier League discovers it was all about money after all

TOP footballers who pretended to love the Premier League only really wanted its money, broken-hearted chairmen have discovered. 

Foreign players who swore their devotion to English football have dumped it by text and disappeared to the Chinese Super League to flaunt their tattooed bodies for even more cash.

Premier League chairman Richard Scudamore said: “They told us it was forever.

“They told us that our vibrant football culture of golf, Nando’s, and baby Bentley racing on the M6 Toll was all they’d ever wanted. And now this.

“Yes, we lost players to La Liga, but we rationalised that by claiming the desire to play in the sunshine was pitiably parochial when Middlesbrough has so much to offer.

“At least we still have the love of our foreign club owners. They will never leave us.”

But Brazilian striker Alex Texeira, who chose Jiangsu Suning over Liverpool, said: “It is more about the opportunity to really immerse oneself in a different currency.

“Sorry, I meant culture.”